Comedy Whirled

How to show people you have more money than them, and are therefore better.

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patent pooping.  legally defend every challenge to your patent.

invent the hoverboard.  then, just ride around on it yourself.  when people ask you "hey when are they going to hit stores?",  reply: fuck you.

become a diplomat for every country on the planet.  commit horrific crimes then raise your badge and say "diplomatic immunity" to every cop.  collect your victim's tears and drink them.

invent a time machine, then put signs in every place which will become an archaeological dig site which state "hey asshole, i've got a time machine".  do nothing else with the time machine.

This is a real Rick Sanchez move.

harmon is a god.  community is so damn rewatchable.  haven't taken the deep dive into rick and morty.  adult swim is so polluted with fox reruns, it used to be beautiful.  same deal with mike tyson mysteries, i like it, but i'm not going to watch for hours to see that one thing.  should look them up on putl ... hulu.  

build three real life death stars.  then have a death star demolition derby.

hire the world leaders of every country to be your paperboy.  when the bill comes at the end of the month, tip them in nila wafers.

sign leonardo decaprio to a 12 movie deal.  train a bear to rape 40 something actors ...  you know where i'm going with this.

become a nigerian prince.  send out some very real emails.

hire the best people, then make them all fight for my attention.  the best woman will be my wife.  the best man will be my best friend.  the best man / woman hybrid will be a person i am drawn to, yet repulsed by.  it will be very complicated and intriguing. 

make melania aware of the "bigger better deal".  offer her corrective surgery to make her look less like ivanka.


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