Comedy Whirled

How to show people you have more money than them, and are therefore better.

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Buy your dog a dog.

That's like a Kanye move.  "Even my bitch has a bitch."

Get a big monocle for the driver's side of your car's windshield.

Reserve theater stages to eat dinner on. The audiences come expecting a show, the doors are locked behind them, and they have to watch you and your family on stage at a large table eating bowls full of hundred dollar bills covered in ranch dressing.

Run for President.  Claim to be "self-funding" the campaign.

Buy your dog's dog a rescue dog.

Hold lavish dinner parties where you discuss alien news. Oh you don't know about alien news? Well then too bad guy. I am unimpressed.

Wear speedos to the beach

Get hold of Shakespeare's bones and make a suit out of them. Spread the word about the suit through your cronies. When asked about the bones on your suit lie and say they are the bones of Jennifer Aniston. 

Commit a bunch of crimes all of the time. Have a TV show produced that gives the public an account of all your crimes and the amounts of money your paid to avoid punishment for each crime.

Fire god and replace him with your dumbest most incompetent son.

Be photographed appearing to eat rocks, and also have celebrities be seen eating rocks. Use your media connections to spread the trend of eating rocks. When the rock eating craze is at it's height, privately weep for humanity in your jacuzzi. 

p.s. don't actually eat rocks no matter how delicious they seem

p.p.s. although I have heard Taylor Swift eats rocks and her skin looks great, so


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