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.......................................................................................BREAKING NEWS:............. FLYING SAUCERS LAND ON WHITE HOUSE LAWN...............ALIENS PROMISE TO HELP WITH COVID-19 CURE IN EXCHANGE FOR ALL OF EARTH'S REMAINING PENGUIN POPULATION.........DEAL ENDS ABRUPTLY & TRAGICALLY AFTER ALIEN LEADER SHAKES HANDS WITH PRESIDENT..............FIST LADY MELANIA TRUMP UNVEILS HER NEW SLOGAN T-SHIRTS THAT READ: 'BE DECEASED'...................AS PART OF HIS PLEA DEAL, HARVEY WEINSTEIN WILL STAR IN NEW AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL FILM: THE NIGHT WALKER STALKER..........................

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