...............................LIVE BREAKING NEWS:.........................FORMER SENATOR HARRY REID ANNOUNCES HE WILL DISCLOSE ALL AVAILABLE EVIDENCE OF EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL VISITATION IN THE HOPES OF CONVINCING THE WORLD THAT ONLY WITH ALIEN TECHNOLOGY WILL WE BE ABLE TO REVERSE GLOBAL WARMING.........................NEWLY APPOINTED SENATOR AND FORMER ASTRONAUT MIKE KELLY WILL JOIN MR. REID IN A JOINT-SMOKING NEWS CONFERENCE WHERE THEY WILL HASH-PIPE OUT THE DETAILS................THE ALIEN O.G. (Obliterate Global warming) GROUP IS NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR UFO CRASH-TEST DUMMIES AND VOLUNTEER PHASER STUN-GUN TRIALS................THIS HAS NOT BEEN A RECORDING...........................EXTRA!..................WORLD'S FIRST UFO CRASH TEST DUMMY DIES AFTER ATTEMPTING A 30-G NEGATIVE DIVE AT MACH 22.................MEMORIAL SERVICE WILL TAKE PLACE AT CRASH SITE...........MR. JERRY SMITH'S COFFIN IS REPORTED TO BE THE SIZE OF A MATCHBOX.....................................HIS FAMILY WILL BE COMPENSATED WITH ONE QUARTER PORTION OF THE YOUTUBE REVENUE GENERATED FROM VIEWS OF THE FINAL MOMENTS BEFORE BEING 'REDUCED TO JUICE' AS NASA CALLS IT.............................SO LIFE IS TOTALLY FAIR AFTER ALL................ISN'T THAT GREAT?!.................................YOU'RE FIRED........................