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Guy Gets Unfrozen in the Future

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Thousands of clueless Haitians grateful for LSU's unbeaten season -Jams3kds

All GOP candidates adopt a strong anti-omelet stance, unless the chicken's life is in danger

McDonald’s announced that they will be serving free coffee in select cities, but restroom access will now cost $1.39

Rick Perry: "I want to be the Tim Tebow of the Iowa Caucuses... or the John Elway of homophobia, either way..."

Penn State announces plans to change its mascot name from the Nittany Lions to the Fighting Charges -JJJ23

Penn State's Big 10 Conference membership revoked, receives invites from the ACC, MAC and NAMBLA

Qaddafi Dead; Confusion Over How to Spell His Name Lives On -MacSpruce

Thieves steal President Obama's teleprompter, in a related story Sarah Palin hires extra security to look after her hands

Al Davis passes away at 82, files suit against God for running a monopoly

ESPN announces it is changing its catchy Monday Night Football intro to, “Are you ready for der Führer?” hiring David Hasselhoff as the new MNF man to sing the theme song -Jams3kds

Women in Saudi Arabia granted the right to vote, upon presenting a valid driver's licence at polling places

NFL: Cowboys owner Jerry Jones offers to double Tony Romo's salary if he'll play out his contract with cracked ribs and a punctured lung

Kirstie Alley attempts to runway model in New York, causing massive delays at JFK

Bush Marks 9/11 Anniversary with Public Reading of My Pet Goat -MacSpruce

NFL to Release Sharks into Game Day Crowds to Ensure Utter Domination of Headlines -antistar

5.9 tremor shakes DC area, Michele Bachmann introduces bill requiring all earthquakes have before and aftershocks

University of Miami officials look to retain Florida tot mom attorney Jose Baez to help defend the school against the Death Penalty -Jams3kds

Germany Interested In Rebuilding Part of Berlin Wall to Attract Tourists; Allied Powers Already Preparing Amphibious Landing Craft -antistar

S&P: Canada to retain its Triple Eh rating

CA bans inmates from having Facebook accounts, prisoners will have to go back to the old way of getting poked while incarcerated

TSA staff at LAX to undergo mandatory transgender sensitivity training, will be required to replace 'That's what she said' with 'That's what it said' when joking around

Internet conspiracy theory suggests Amy Winehouse didn't die, she's just taking planking to the next level

News of the World claims whistle found in windpipe of dead Hoare not suspicious -Buttermilk

War Effort Stumbles as Majority of Soldiers Preoccupied With Sending Pictures of Their Penises to Mila Kunis -antistar

CNN reports freed Casey Anthony will take up residence in family pool... -Buttermilk

NIcolas Cage to purchase used space shuttle, plans to jump it over a cage full of misogynistic sharks -antistar

Casey Anthony found not guilty, median age in Florida to drop forty years by 2012

Helmet wearing U.S. economy promised orange pop if it stops screaming, cleans its face... -Donairs

New York approves gay marriage, makes nationwide headlines for following constitution... -Stollmw

Police in Ohio arrest woman for spraying officers with her breast milk, she claims the charges are tit-for-tat and udderly ridiculous

TSA on forcing 95 year-old woman to remove adult diaper: Our national security Depends on your complete cooperation at all times... -Philo Beddoe

Michele Bachmann's presidential bid off to a slow start, still looking for a decent electoral college to attend

Anthony Weiner’s wife says she will ‘stand by her man’… because standing in front of him means not walking right for a week

Cuba begins providing free sex change operations, critics say this will only lead to more men in poorly constructed little boats

Sarah Palin on moving to AZ: Now I can see Mexico from my house!

Lady Gaga regrets wearing shoes with ‘penis heels’ on American Idol, says they kill the balls of her feet

Osama bin Laden’s son demands probe into his father’s execution, White House offers him a live reenactment

San Francisco close to banning circumcisions, Oakland’s mohels prepare to handle the overflow

DOW Chemical announces plans to replace ‘flame retardant’ with ‘flame development disabler’

Southwest Airlines launches new ‘Bags fly out of the plane for free’ campaign